Knowledge is your greatest weapon when dealing with a narcissist.
Understanding the nature of toxic interactions with a narcissist, and how they affect us, can have great impact on our mental well-being in a beneficial way.
Here are the five most toxic abuse tactics the narcissist will use:
1. Triple-Twisted Love Attack
Idealisation – otherwise known as love-bombing. You are showered with love and attention and in return you feel flattered, important and loved. Do not be fooled by this fake predator as this is a ploy to suck you in to his evil game and make you totally dependent on him.
Devaluation – coming on the heels of love-bombing, the narcissist will abruptly thrust you off the pedestal, leaving your senses reeling. Blowing hot and cold, the narcissist will convince you that you are the one at fault.
Discard – this is where you are tossed aside in the most horrific way. Here the narcissist will come into their own, using various techniques (such as demeaning, humiliating and degrading you) just to let you know that you are no longer important to them.
2. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is the most insidious form of mental abuse and the narcissist is a master of it, using all of their ploys to make you doubt yourself. The purpose of this torture is to take away your power, creating self-doubt which traps the victim in the toxic relationship. Incessantly questioning you about what you’re doing, hiding objects in the house and twisting your own words back on you are a few of the limitless tactics which they use. In severe cases, gaslighting can cause a mental breakdown.
3. Smear Campaign
After you are discarded, the narcissist will then take pleasure in telling others how unstable you are. This accomplishes two things:
It depicts you as the unstable partner and gains them – the narcissist - sympathy from others.
They hoover you – sucking you back into the trauma of the relationships as you struggle to come to terms with the accusations.
4. Triangulation
The narcissist relies on jealousy as a powerful weapon and will gladly use others to make you compete for his/her affections. This is how the narcissist will keep you in check and under control. Inviting others into the relationship – such as a friend, therapist or even stranger – creates a triangle where the narcissist and third unsuspecting party are united against you.
5. False Self/True Self
The narcissist hides his true self behind the armour of a false self; during the discard phase, you will get a glimpse into the cruelty lurking beneath the shallow facade. Narcissists do not truly feel empathy or love – THEY FEEL NOTHING. This lack of empathy makes it very easy for them to walk away from their victims without a backward glance. Sadly, that magical connection you thought you had in the beginning was only an illusion, just like the identity of the narcissist.
I hope these points bring clarity and perhaps peace of mind to those you are experiencing or have been through narcissistic abuse. Try to remember that there will always be a window of opportunity to leave – please use it. You may have been a victim but you are also a survivor.